One Day at a Time
by DracaDelirus
Summary: One-shot. Sometimes questions are better left unasked, especially when you already know the answer.


**Doc ****takes ****off ****his ****glasses ****and ****looks ****sincere,**** "****So ****tell ****me**** … ****do ****you ****ever ****think ****about ****it?****"**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything else that may seem familiar. I don't own anything.

Author: DracaDelirus.

Warning: Extremely depressed character, with veiled references to abuse and dark self-destructive thoughts. (Topic was not my choice so please don't hate me for it.)

Dedication: for Jack. When I was thinking about how to write this, I remembered a conversation we had once, so this is really for you, even though I know you won't ever read it.

Explanation: This is the same one-shot that I first called "Why ask me?" after talking with Doc about the much longer uncut version he answered my question so I came up with a better title.

"… **er …****I ****got ****a ****question ****back ****at ****you ****Doc**** … ****have ****you?****"**

"Harry! There you are! Ron and I have been looking everywhere for you." Hermione's relieved smiling head popped up through the trap door at the top of the stairs to the Astronomy tower like a frizzy haired jack-in-the-box. Spying Harry sitting on the stone ledge that encircled the outer edge of the tower, with his feet dangling out over the sheer drop, her smile quickly turned into a frown of concern.

"Um … Harry?" she voiced tentatively lest she startle him.

"Yeah Hermione?" Harry replied without turning around.

"Um … the train will be leaving soon. We need to get to the station. Maybe you ought to get off that ledge now and come down."

"I know," Harry sighed deeply.

"Oh Harry … it's going to be okay, really it is. Professor Dumbledore said that your uncle has changed. He says he wants to make it up to you."

"I know," Harry replied not making any indication whatsoever of coming down off the ledge. If anything, he leaned slightly forward, his centre of gravity perilously off vertical.

"And the Weasley's say they will check on you like clockwork."

"I know."

"And Mrs. Figg is always nearby."

"I know."

"And the order will be keeping watch all summer."

"I know, I know, already." He shrugged. It didn't matter.

"Well it's something Harry. We're all trying. You must know that."

"I do know, but really Hermione … what are they going to do? Hide under my bed and jump out if the boogey man shows up?" Harry snorted derisively. "Yeah, like that's really going to happen."

"Hey Harry! Hey Hermione! So this is where you both are!" Ron's red head popped up next to Hermione's curly brown one. "C'mon mate, the train will be pulling out soon."

"I know," he repeated with another sigh, rolling his eyes this time.

"That's about all he's said since I found him Ron … _'__I__know__'_ … I think he's depressed about going home," Hermione whispered in his ear.

"Hey Harry, it'll be all right won't it?" Ron said cheerfully, "I mean, Dumbledore says your relatives are really sorry, and that they really want you to come home. Dumbledore even said that they love you, don't you believe him?"

"I guess … I mean they are my family. As they put it, they did take me in out the kindness of their hearts, so I suppose that's true on some level. It's just that …"

"It's just that what?" Hermione asked.

"It's just that they may love me in their own way - kind of - but I don't think they've ever _liked_ me very much, especially not my uncle." Harry weighed a small rock in his hand and then dropped it to listen for the tiny echoing 'thud' when it hit the ground far below.

"But didn't Dumbledore say there were some medical reasons for that? That made him act that way towards you?"

"Yeah … he did." Harry agreed, this time dropping a small twig and watching in total fascination as it dropped to join the rock.

"And he's better now, right? He's not sick any longer that he's taking meds. That's true isn't it?"

"Sure it's true, I guess. But the way I see it, now that he's 'cured', he'll just have that much more strength to beat the hell out of me anytime he wants to." Harry replied morosely leaning out over the edge and this time dropping an owl feather to watch it float the air thermals on its way down to meet its companions.

"Oh Harry …"

"Sorry 'Mione, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sure it won't happen again. You're right - the order will make sure of that." Harry sighed deeply and gave Hermione a half hearted reassuring lopsided grin before turning back to observe the feather catch momentarily on a branch of the whomping willow before gravity pulled it the rest of the way down to lay next to the twig and the rock.

Analyzing Harry's apparent attraction with the sheer drop, Hermione started gently probing.

"Harry … you don't ever think about … ah … you know …. um … committing … er … well, you know what I mean … you don't …. I mean … you haven't … had you?"

"Hermione, what in Merlin's name are you nattering on about?" Ron asked, confusion about the entire conversation abounding through his brain.

"I was just wondering if Harry ever thought about … oh it's too horrible to ask."

"Then don't," Harry replied in a firm even monotone. "There is really no point in it, if you think about it. Besides, you're supposed to be the smart one 'Mione, you should know it's really not the best question to ask someone sitting on a ledge over a sheer drop. If they weren't thinking about it before, they sure would be after you did."

"But, I'm worried about you," she pleaded.

"And I appreciate that, really I do. However, if the question even came into your mind, then it really doesn't matter how I answer it."

"Of course it matters Harry."

"No it doesn't Hermione. Don't you see?" Harry was exasperated that he even had to explain it, but apparently, he did. "If I answer 'yes', then you would worry that I might actually do it. If I answer 'no', then you would worry _even__more_ that I might do it. Because then you would be thinking that I only said no because that was what you wanted to hear, instead of telling you the truth. So no matter how I answer, you already think you know the answer, so don't you see? It doesn't really matter _what_ I say, because you've already answered it for yourself."

"Then you have … thought about it, that is." Hermione said, more as fact, than as a question this time.

"I'm not saying that Hermione. I am just saying don't ask the question."

"But I really do want to know."

"I know you do."

"Well I don't know anything, and I just want to know what in Merlin's pants we're talking about here," Ron butted in with a huff.

"_**RON!**__"_ Hermione admonished with a glare that would take down a rampaging mountain troll.

"I'm just saying …"

"You guys go on ahead," Harry cut in. He was not in the mood for one of their famous bickering sessions. "I'm okay, really Hermione, I am. I just need to think for a few more minutes by myself. I'll meet you downstairs. Okay?"

"Okay Harry, if you are _really_ sure you're okay. But don't take too long, or you'll miss the train." Hermione reluctantly started back down the winding staircase with a worried glance over her shoulder.

"I am _really _sure. I'll take the short cut down," Harry called after her disappearing head. He then looked at his best friend who was loitering behind, still looking slightly confused. "Why don't you go with her Ron? All I need is just another minute."

"Okay Harry," Ron said echoing Hermione. "But hurry mate, we don't want to be late. The Hogwart Express always leaves on time. It won't wait."

"Don't worry, I'll hurry. Oh … and Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you close the trapdoor behind you?"

"Why?"

"I don't want any more interruptions. Get interrupted again and it might make me late, mightn't it? Don't want anyone to miss the train on my account."

"Okay Harry." Ron was relieved that Harry was finally starting to come around and talk sense. As he disappeared down the hole, he pulled the door shut behind him and joined Hermione on the winding stone stairs.

"Ron?"

"Yeah Hermione?"

"I didn't know there was a short cut down from the Astronomy tower. Is there another secret passageway you two found that I don't know anything about?"

"No, there isn't. Why?" Ron asked densely.

"Didn't Harry just say …?"

"OH MERLIN!" they gasped together as they both realized what the only possible short cut could be. Running back up the stone steps Ron pounded on the trap door.

"Bloody hell! It won't budge Hermione. I think he locked it!"

"Well open it nitwit!"

"I'm trying … oomph!" Ron hit the door hard with his shoulder.

"Not like that! Why do you always forget you're a wizard? Here, stand aside and let me do it … _Alohomora__ …" __Hermione_ waved her wand and the trap door swung up and opened with a bang.

Racing to the parapet, Harry was no longer perched on the edge, but leaning over they could see a large crowd gathered on the ground far below.

"_**NO!**__**"**_ Hermione screamed.

"_**HARRY!**__**"**_ Ron cried out.

The pair collapsed into each other arms sobbing.

"Why didn't I realize he would do it? Oh, why did I ask? Why? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut for once? Why do I always have to keep asking stupid obvious questions? It's entirely my fault." Hermione wept inconsolably.

"Why didn't I realize sooner what you two were even talking about?" Ron asked unable to forgive himself either. "I would have never left him alone if I hadn't have been so thick. I could have stopped him, and now it's too late. He was my best friend."

"Come on, we better go down." Hermione took Ron by the hand and pulled him back down the stairs with her, taking them two at a time all the way to the ground. Rushing outside to where the crowd gathered at the base of the tower, they pushed their way to the centre, expecting to see Harry's broken body on the ground. Instead, they found him standing in the centre, whole and in one piece, with a rather sheepish grin on his face, Seamus and Dean busily patting him on the back admiringly.

"Wow! That was some dive Harry!" Seamus gushed.

"Almost made my heart stop, the way you pulled out of it at the last second, I thought you were a goner for sure." Dean agreed.

"_**HARRY!**__**" **_ Hermione yelled as she started hitting him furiously in the chest. _**"**__**HOW **__**COULD **__**YOU!**__**" **_

"Hermione! Stop that! It hurts!"

"You deserve it, you scared us to death! We thought you had …"

"Had what Hermione?" Harry asked innocently.

"Had … had … YOU KNOW WHAT! HAD DONE THAT THING I DIDN'T ASK YOU ABOUT!"

"Well, I told you it didn't matter, since you already thought you knew the answer," he shrugged nonchalantly.

"So if you didn't do ….YOU-KNOW-WHAT …. How did you get down here so fast?" Ron yelled furiously.

"Geeze Ron, you sound a might disappointed."

"YOU PRAT! TELL US!"

"Like I said - I took a short cut," Harry reminded him, holding out a new Firebolt 5000 for him to inspect.

"Wow! That's a Firebolt 5000 Harry!" Ron's ire turned to envy in an abrupt one-eighty.

"Really Ron? Is it? I didn't realize …"

"You total git! You know it is! Where'd you get it?"

"Dumbledore said it was from my Uncle. To … uh … make amends. Thought I should at least try it out once before I go back to Little Whinging. No flying in muggle neighbourhoods you know - totally useless gift back there. It's not like there's a Quidditch pitch in the local play park."

"Even so, this is quite decent of him." Ron gave out a low whistle, and practically drooled as he ran a hand down the sleek polished shaft of the broomstick. "Wow! A Firebolt 5000! I didn't even know they were out yet."

"They aren't, at least not until next fall. It must have cost him quite a bit to get a prototype this early."

"He must really want you to come home," Hermione said thoughtfully.

"Yeah … makes me wonder why," Harry responded suspiciously.

"I'm sure he just wants you to know he is really sorry. See I told you everything would be okay now. You just need to give it a chance to work out." Hermione assured him, with her ever-optimistic outlook.

"Maybe you're right 'Mione. Now we better get going or we will miss the train."

"Hey Harry! If you flew the Firebolt 5000 back you could probably beat the train to Kings Cross."

"Brilliant idea, Ron, but I'm not in that much of a hurry. Now let's get going, as you said the Express waits for no one." Harry said looping his arm over Ron's shoulder as they started towards the station with the rest of the last minute crowd.

"Harry?" Hermione asked running to catch back up to the pair.

"Yeah Hermione?"

"About what I asked earlier … I still want to know … do you … you know, ever think about it?"

"There's a better question, Hermione."

"What's that?"

"Have I thought about it today?"

"Well … have you Harry?"

"Not today 'Mione. Not today."

~fin~


End file.
